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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928489">children of tragedy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonsatdawn/pseuds/pigeonsatdawn'>pigeonsatdawn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>fragments of hope [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys &amp; Sophism (Webcomic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Childhood Friends, Gen, Tenderness, icb none of y'all dare write a lauwi fic smh, not as angsty as the title suggests</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:07:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonsatdawn/pseuds/pigeonsatdawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span>When Lauren Sinclair looks at William Hawkes, she cannot help but think of time.</span>
</p>
<p>  <span>(inspired by the only thing that can make me come <em>close</em> to tears—mark(erfucker) lee’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj5Qt7FvF0Q&amp;t=327s">to you message</a> to lee haechan.</span><br/><span>if you know, you know; if you don’t, don’t bother. basically they’ve been close friends for a hella long time.)</span></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>William Hawkes &amp; Lauren Sinclair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>fragments of hope [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>children of tragedy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i’m taking one for the team and writing platonic lauwi because IT’S FUCKING ABOUT TIME.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b><em>“When I look at you, I think about time at the same time.”</em> </b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p><strong>WHEN LAUREN SINCLAIR</strong> looks at William Hawkes, hunched over his desk, all caught up in his paperwork, she cannot help but think of time. There is nothing much about the sight of him diligently doing paperwork, but perhaps it is that fact in itself—that this is William Hawkes at his “normal”, that this is who William Hawkes is at the current point in the timeline, that makes Lauren truly ponder over the weary Lieutenant. Granted, it is not often where Lauren notices these things. Her circumstances, with her knowledge of the tragedy that is about to go down, forces her away from focusing on these small things, instead diverting her attention to the things that move rapidly. For a while now, she has been caught up in the rapid motion in which life moves about. </p>
<p>          It is not until she is forced to pause in time, in the dull hours of her work as an officer on her desk, that she begins to see the things that have stayed constant in the midst of the fleeting passage of time. And when she sees William in this state, she thinks of every version of William she’s ever remembered. She does not often note his personality, but occasionally, at a given point in time, she thinks of him, and thinks of who he is as a person. She likes to appreciate the presence of her friend in her life, seemingly one of the only things—<em>people</em>—that hasn’t left her throughout all these years. </p>
<p>          As a result, she notices all the ways in which he has changed. William Hawkes is now much more matured, patient in his emotions, instead of expressing his feelings upon every problem he encountered. He is definitely more efficient in finishing his schoolwork, and better in handling the patrol officers than he was just four months ago when he first became a Lieutenant. And, as sad as the reality is… he spends less time enjoying his own life, devoting it entirely to work, and Lauren only wishes that one of these days they could take a short break together, because God knows they both need it much more than most.</p>
<p>          They were, after all, bound in the common fate of their past.</p>
<p>          But she really only takes note of how much time is <em> lost </em> when she takes note of all the ways in which he remains the same. William is still the same boy, the same defining features that make him look dashing as ever—dusty blonde hair and deep blue eyes that radiate the warmth that he always seems to exude. He’s still the same boy who never forgets to take care of her, especially more so when she’s forgotten to do so herself. He’s still her partner in law, someone she can trust in their patrol duties, someone with an aptitude equal to hers. Above all, William always puts himself above everyone else, which is quite the frustrating aspect, but a trait she appreciates nonetheless. When she sees these things in him, it is easy to forget that so much time has passed, because he seems to be constant in spite of the ever-changing world.</p>
<p>          And sometimes she wishes that time never does pass at the rate it does. When she looks at William and all his resemblances to his past self, she wishes that she could remain in the past—<em>not that she doesn’t already do that</em>—but perhaps it was foolish of her to believe that the future would have better things in store for them, despite what the past has done to them. Because in passing time, she realizes that these gradual changes time brings are no better than the sudden change of a split-second calamity. She does not dare imagine how much the future can change a man, and she fears it will be too late when she <em> does </em> notice.</p>
<p>          Perhaps she thinks this, because when she considers the reality of their situation—she remembers that William is tasked to find Lune, which places them on opposite sides of a war.</p>
<p>          This reality pains her, because even though she can see William Hawkes, the way he always is, treating her the same way he always does—it is so easy for her to miss all the little things that have changed about him. Because when she sees her, in these quiet moments, she remembers her old friend, someone she has come to depend on despite what the world has to bring. She and William Hawkes have built their friendship in a way that, even if they don’t tell each other everything, they know they always have each other’s backs. She knows that it doesn’t matter so much all the ways in which they are different, because in the end it all roots to the ones they share. They may have begun their friendship under their parents’ association, back in their childhood, but ultimately there is one reason why their strong bond remains.</p>
<p>          William Hawkes and Lauren Sinclair are children of tragedy, bound by loss, bound by the chains of guilt of their losses. Even if they’ve never shared it, they’re the only ones who understand each other’s pain. </p>
<p>          But, as north rejects north, so do two clash when they are like in nature. William and Lauren are both stubborn, and she is well aware of this, from how they seem to insist on the other taking care of themselves but not doing it themselves. When two forces collide, it is only inevitable that collateral damage occurs, as they propel each other to the ends of the field. The only way two souls so alike can not clash is if they proceed in parallel; even the slightest change in slope would lead them to eventually stumble upon each other, no matter how far upon the timeline.</p>
<p>          And if seeing all the ways in which William <em> hasn’t </em> changed in the past decade has made her realize anything, it’s that you can never trust the tricks time can play on you.</p>
<p>          Time seems to flow once more when William stands up from his desk, stretching to relax his muscles. Again, Lauren notes that some time has passed in which she spends only staring at him, lost in memories of the past. She sighs, damning time again, knowing that she has to work on her paperwork more efficiently. <em> It does not do to dwell on the past</em>. And yet, it seems to be the only thing she <em> can </em> do, despite being pressed for time.</p>
<p>          “Does anyone want a mug of coffee? I’m grabbing some for myself, so I’ll bring some on the way if anyone needs it,” William announces to the working officers. Lauren cannot help the small smile that flutters across her face; only they could be so unhealthy as to consume coffee when the sun is about to set, because only they need the coffee to make up for their lack of sleep. </p>
<p>          Lauren decides to take this as a chance to get some alone time with William. “I’ll join you,” Lauren tells him, standing up from her own desk. It’s only then that she realizes how long <em> she’s </em> been stuck in the same position on her chair, and she winces at the pain on her back muscles. She stretches, and says to the Lieutenant, “<em>God</em>, I need to move around. Sitting all day is <em> really </em> bad for my back.”</p>
<p>          William laughs lightheartedly. “Can’t argue with that. C’mon, then.”</p>
<p>          The trip from the office to the break room is not long, but Lauren still manages to find herself basking in reminiscence upon the simple past. It’s quite the recent development, in comparison to the span of their lifelong friendship, but she appreciates the moments in which they walk side by side, not saying a word. It’s nice to simply know that they’re <em> there</em>.</p>
<p>          “You seem very out of it,” William quips, and Lauren jumps in her steps. She looks at him with widened eyes. She knows what he means, but she doesn’t expect him to notice. Maybe she should’ve—after all, William is quite the observant Lieutenant, quietly watching and doing what he can to lessen people of their silent burdens.</p>
<p>          Lauren then laughs it off. “Yeah, which is why I kinda needed the coffee. My mind has been wandering a little too much today.”</p>
<p>          “Have you been getting enough sleep?” William asks concernedly.</p>
<p>          Lauren nods. “There’s just—” she sighs. “A lot going on.”</p>
<p>          And William understands, as he should. He nods, not asking anymore questions. Perhaps it is to her advantage—because William could very well be one of those problems she has to deal with sooner or later. She has to be sure that William won’t turn her in when he finds out that she is Lune, and she cannot ruin their friendship by betraying his trust. It is much better if she confesses to him once and for all, and yet…</p>
<p>          And yet, she cannot bring herself to do so. Their friendship has always been one in which they trust in each other <em> despite </em> not knowing. It is a trust so blind, a trust based on the mutual experience they share.</p>
<p>          As much as she’s learned that nothing can be trusted—not even her own ability, which distinguishes truth from lies—she likes to believe that there are some things that will remain constant, that some things will never change. And when she sees William, when she sees the little boy, on the days they spent running around in her mother’s garden, it’s so easy to believe.</p>
<p>          She’s terrified, but she wants to hope. The world around them is crashing and crumbling day by day, and she does not know how to go on if something as solid as their childhood friendship will collapse like so. </p>
<p>          She fails to notice that she’s stopped in her tracks, and it doesn’t take long for William to notice. He turns around to see her, looking at the ground intently, lost in her thoughts. “Lauren?”</p>
<p>          “William, I…”</p>
<p>          The words clog up in her throat, because it is not easy for Lauren Sinclair to express her feelings. But when it comes to William, she always tries, and always does so patiently. William waits, equally as patient, until Lauren rediscovers her voice.</p>
<p>          “I… I know that you have your own problems, and I, mine. But…” Lauren looks up with much effort, so he can see that she means it. “I’m here for you. I really am.”</p>
<p>          William—she can see from the way his expression shifts ever so slightly, that the rawness of it all hits him more than just how sudden it is. She has long since learned to note even the smallest of his mannerisms, for William, aside from being the proficient pianist, is just as good of an actor; he knows how to hide his emotions all too well. She knows that he is struggling with himself, struggling with the idea of depending on someone else, because he’s raised in a way that forces him to be self-dependent. </p>
<p>          “No matter what you do, no matter what you have to face… I—I’m here. You’re… you’re not alone. I hope you’ll trust me the way I trust you, and I hope… I hope in due time you’ll be able to open up to me, and I will do the same for you.”</p>
<p>          “Lauren, I…” William finds himself at a loss of words as well, and they stand in silence for a while, frozen in time, in mounted sentiments of the past decade. </p>
<p>          “We’ve been through so much together,” Lauren says softly, “and we’ve been through that much because we had each other.” Her voice falls into a barely audible whisper when she says, “I—I don’t know how I’ll survive without you.”</p>
<p>          The usual smile on William Hawkes’ face, the one he puts up as his mask, is completely stripped off his demeanor now—replaced with a much more realistic sadness, a man so undone by the rawness of a truth. Lauren finds that she cannot keep up a smile as well.</p>
<p>          William takes note of this, as he does all things, and pulls her into a hug, stroking the back of her head softly. “Thank you, Lauren. It… it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me, and I hope you know that.”</p>
<p>          Lauren clutches the back of his shirt a little tighter and closes her eyes gently, allowing herself to rest assured in his embrace. It is not often that she is so moved by anything other than her own nightmares and ghosts, but it is equally as rare that she remembers, among everything, there are people who she can hold on to, people who will not leave, as so many have. “I hope you know that the same goes for you,” he murmurs in a broken whisper, and it takes her so much will to not dissolve.</p>
<p>          “Thank you, Will.”</p>
<p>          Every end marks a new beginning, and every loss grants a new gain. Every ruination brings a healing, and let William Hawkes and Lauren Sinclair be each other’s—for it’ll only be too cruel if they face the same tragedy again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>           But is it not life’s primary constituent to be unsparingly cruel? </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lmao it is my primary constituent that i post whatever i write immediately without thinking twice if it was an unplanned writing session. anyways. <em><b>FUCKING REVOKE MY POTENTIAL FLUFF LORD TITLE IF YOU MUST</b></em>, i’ll settle for just tenderly heartbreaking moments, because that is what i like writing most. i don’t go hard, so i don’t deserve an angst lord title, but because i’m a fucking sssssnake, i slyther-in your heart and make you <em>twinge</em> upon the rawness of emotion (which i know i don’t convey all that well, but what the fucking ever).</p>
<p>anyways, as mentioned above, this is inspired by mark lee’s heartfelt message to lee haechan (they’re members of NCT, a k-pop group i love. leave me be.).<em> <b>they’re literally the fucking peak of childhood friendship</b></em>. the quote in the beginning, and the one the summary is based on, is a direct quote from the beginning of the message, and it lives in my mind rent free. his lines that inspired the dialogue, specifically, are:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>
      <em>“as you continue to live your life, when you need to make decisions in life, although you yourself are the person who makes the final decision and you’ll be the one to take responsibility for that decision… in your life, when you make decisions, do what you need to, or whatever happens, open up to me.”</em>
    </b>
  </p>
</blockquote><br/>my FUCKING god. mark lee you motherfucker with your heart wrecking words. you don’t know how much a soft letter from a platonic friend can make me bawl much more than a heartbreaking romance can. (it’s why i write angst easily. romance is overrated; friendship is <em>way</em> too underrated.)<p>this is like, an undoing of what i did in silent nightingale. at the same time, that last line is me going back to the harsh reality (because i believe if someone might betray her, it’s very much going to be william). but as i’ve done in the last two fics of this series, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK AND WANT TO WRITE SOME HOPE FOR ALL THESE SAD SOULS. (if oblivioluna and rabbit_hearted are going all out to destroy the characters and you people (<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920998">go read it</a> though it’s a BEAUTIFUL piece of work and i am so willing to be destroyed by it), i’m going all out to give them some fucking happiness. i give Zero fucks, so don’t come screaming at me because this is unrealistic.)</p>
<p>anyways.</p>
<p>have a good day.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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